If you, like me, sometimes view yourself through critical, NARROW lens; then this message is for You!
Since July 2017, I wrestled with resistance. Resistance to being "back" in the United States. Resistance to being "back" in Ohio. Resistance about Being. However, 12 months (to the day!) after my return; a significant emotional event would ignite a spark to TRULY break the cycle that I thought I could somehow "bypass".
The significant emotional event was heartbreak. Over the days, weeks, months since July 28, 2018; I have consistently put in the work to break the cycle of codependency. The work would at times, "break" me. As I release(d) the 50+ years of desperation; the physical sensations of my cells releasing the energy would leave me exhausted! Yet, I continue.
I've come too far to stop. There are no shortcuts. Frankly, I have no desire to avoid the path.
The heartbreak wasn't that another didn't love me as I wanted. The heartbreak was that I'd allowed resistance to the unknown to attract a distraction in the form of a relationship. The experience itself was like a movie. The plot was what I'd told myself that I always wanted. Yet, just like a movie; it wasn't real. As the story unfolded there were serious flaws in the "script". It wasn't a role I wanted. There was a major conflict between the Leading Man and I. So, I followed My Inner Guide and with a resolve totally new to me; I agreed to stop "production". There would be no "Happily Ever After".
After one (1) full year of resisting where I was; I was back. I was back; yet I was "different". Instead of ignoring my Inner Guide; I'd followed its guidance. In essence, I'd decided to go down the proverbial "rabbit hole". Having honored my Self; I'd agreed to "Let Go & Trust". Not to sound like a "made-for-TV" movie; but through the times of being with the physical sensations of releasing; I've come to develop emotional strength in a manner that I didn't know that I possessed. This strength shows itself in magnificent ways. Today, I thought of the failed script and said, "Thank You".
Since 2012, I have put in the work of Emotional Physical Therapy. I have lived, breathed, FOUGHT to overcome challenging emotions, attitudes, and negativity. I know now that consistency is my power! Today, I was reminded of just how much work I have put into reclaiming my life this video from January 30, 2013.
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