This April 2019 New Moon brought up energy that I had held onto. . .energy that was bringing experiences I. . .DID. . .NOT. . .WANT!!
Yet, because I held onto that energy; I was a magnet for experiences that reinforced. . SUPPORTED a core belief that I was ashamed of. . .
In this RAW space; I surrender to Divine Love. Even though I am gritting my teeth while doing so; I am leaning into the rawness. My Heart is Curious. "Is it possible to feel GRATEFUL for the experience? Is this another opportunity to heal? I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my ego went into overdrive.
A few days ago, my IG friend, Phil Good (@philgoodlife) did a YouTube Energy Update on "Managing Your Energetics". I felt every word. When he said that I must "be grateful for where I am." this was a blow that triggered me. Within hours, I was in full blown "retreat mode". My ego was scrambling. I observed my energy intensifying as images of my un-gratefulness rolled across the movie screen of my mind. Tears streamed down my face. I was in that space again. Yet, underneath the chaos; I feel "possibility" and "opportunity". Again, "Is it possible for me to heal? Is it possible for me to release the core belief(s)? In overdrive mode, it hardly ever feels like it is possible for true, lasting healing. In overdrive mode, it hardly ever feels like I can be free of the core belief(s). Would I continue to be ashamed?
Let the Tears flow
As I sit writing this blog, tears are flowing down my face. It is my responsibility to manage my energetics. My energy is magnetizing; creating experiences. In this moment, I am not trying to heal. I am healed.