Following the Leader
Once I agreed to listen; it was "On"!
Having reached a point in life where I said I wanted to remove blocks from my thoughts and beliefs; my agreement to "Listen" included my "Following" Her Lead. Allowing Her to grasp my hand; I knew that She was about to take me further than I'd ever gone before. In essence, She was taking me to the darkness that I had feared the most; the Place of Stored Memories.
It's my turn to trust Her. Trusting Her means being vulnerable. Yet, if I want to move beyond the "snapback" point; this is the only way (The "snapback" point is a set belief where I experience just enough success before "snapping back" to failure. Ouch! That hurt. . .). So, I am following Her to the Place of Stored Memories.
The Place of Stored Memories
Entering The Place of Stored Memories is a lot like going into a Hall of Mirrors at a carnival. The only difference is that you don't just see your reflection/stored memory; you feel the emotions of the stored memories as well.
Initially, it felt like we were going to go through easily. I've done quite a bit of emotional/energy work. I meditate everyday. I do yoga 6-days-a-week. Strength train five days. . .so, I thought I was/am pretty "balanced". At this thought, She squeezed my hand; drawing my attention to the memory and its feeling staring me in my face. It hit me hard! I started using my "tools" and again, She squeezed my hand. I was using the tools to suppress/repress the feelings of that memory. I'd promised to follow Her lead and yet, I was doing what I said I'd never do again: betray Her. She spoke for the first time since taking my hand, "You promised...See it, Feel it." Realizing that I'd shut my eyes; I opened them to see and feel the stored memory. I wasn't prepared for what came next.
When I opened my eyes, I didn't just see "One" of Her. . .I saw what looked like at least "Five" of Her. It felt like we were going through The Place of Stored Memories at a fast pace; however we hadn't moved. She then said, "Within Our DNA are all of The Mothers." Huh? She explained, "You're not separate from Me; Your Inner Child; "Little Girl Self". Nor are you separate from YOUR Mother's Inner Child; nor your Grandmother's Inner Child. . . ." Gesturing to my smartphone; she said, "Look it up." So, I did.
My internet search, albeit technical in its explanation did, in fact, state that "Mitochondrial DNA is inherited from the mother alone, rather than being inherited from the father and the mother. Additionally, recombination (or crossing over) does not occur in mitochondrial DNA. For both of these reasons, the sequence of mitochondrial DNA stays the same over generations, and thus is a useful tool for looking at maternal ancestry" (www.ase.tufts.edu). Sensing that I needed more information, She said "Look up 'Emotions and Mitochrondria'".
According to www.evome.co, a "team of researchers in the U.K. found that in addition to changing our brains, depression can also alter our DNA and the ways that our cells create energy...they found that in women who had trauma-induced depression, there was more mitochondrial DNA than other women who suffered from depression."
Looking back at the reflections of My Mothers; I realized that not only must I build loving trust with Her; I am also healing the Inner Child(ren) of The Mothers.
Squeezing my hand, She said, "We were born for this. Let's Go. The Mothers need us."